138. Conversations with chuckleheads

So here we go again.  I decided to sign up to the swingers site I had used to meet The Captain, and after a thorough and fruitless search for both him and The Toolman, I created my profile.

I have a suspicion that The Captain already had someone else lined up when we split, or is still having his mid-life crisis/nervous breakdown.  And I am wondering if The Toolman is dealing with the failout of being busted by this blog.  I would still like to hear from your Mrs Done with his nasty assss!

I wrote clearly about what I want (relationship with heaps of sex) and what I do not (casual, fuck buddy or one night stand).  I specified that suitors should be in a particular age range, radius, be single and not a fucking Capricorn, like the last two men of significance in my life.

As it did last time, the messages came in thick and fast initially, and I politely declined most of them.  I also received a lot of views, but less interest than when I’ve said I was looking for a casual fling.  I suppose this is good news.  Some men are actually reading my profile and not wasting my time.  But others….well.

Please enjoy these actual conversations I’ve copied and pasted for your vicarious pleasure.

  • Hi John here I’m a 58 yo dominant divorced man seeking a lady to be my sub I’m into spanking restraints nipple play body exploration I will respect your limits I’m after a lady for ongoing meetings if I interest you please message me back.


Then there are the married guys.

  • Just wondering if you could make an exception to a married man seeking some extra spice. Love to have mutually respectable horny fun where my main aim is to please you mentally and physically. Can do meet and greet day or night close to you.
  • Thank you for your interest, but you are not what I am looking for. Best of luck with your search!
  • Thanks for being a good sport and good luck to you too.
  • 🙂
  • damn my loss and you seem so nice and sweet
  • I’m freakin adorable 😉
  • I know and i can tell by the way you express yourself and love confidence and any chance changing your mind over a drink
  • Naughty. I’ve been the mistress before and while it is fun, I want to be my man’s number one.
  • Would you like to chat some more and see if I can convince you?
  • No thanks 🙂
  • I am politely trying and sorry for the chase as you seem like an ideal catch
  • It’s okay. Doesn’t hurt to ask. Have a good night
  • x night

And the super keen beans.

  • Trusting that we will surely fall madly in love soon, yes I am a dreamer and the dream is you .  Please let me know if there is a mutual attraction?
  • I bet you say that to all the girls LOL
  • Only the one that has made me feel like I am at a private strip show, instantly aroused from merely looking at her, wanting to know exactly what it is you desire , want to hear you whisper it in my ear . You are a totally sensual being, I do not mean to treat you as a mere sex object, yet find myself wanting nothing more. Is this typical of men that see and read your words?
  • Um no. And a bit full on if I’m honest!
  • That’s me , Mr all or nothing at all.
  • Well good for you for at least being verbose and not just giving me the old “hey babe” 😉
  • I’ve never been accused of boring anyone lol.If I had just taken those pills 🙂  It is a bit daunting trying to search out this vision I have of the woman to enjoy life with . Dammm you do look a lot like her.
  • Haha! Take a look at my photos and see if you still think so.
  • Totally convinced , I don’t have any pics on here if my ex , but you are truly her twin. Thank you for sharing the beauty that is you.
  • Yikes!!! So I am your “type”??? Not sure how I feel about that?
  • If you could feel half the arousal the thought of you brings to my mind and body, we are in business right here.
  • Ok so I arouse you. Good to know. What else can you tell me about yourself?
  • A solitary man , bit of a loner , two adult kids that I am close to and still live with. I work as a self employed truck driver and teach boxing three nights a week, cannot stay still for too long, have a kind heart towards animals , don’t drink or smoke . And believe in the unknown.  Your turn.

I passed.

Then there are the guys whose idea of seduction is trying to wear you down like a petulant toddler.

  • Hey would love connection intermate and amazing time with you – you stunning
  • Hey. I like your profile but you live too far away unfortunately and I need someone local. Good luck In your search x
  • Babe come visit
  • Pfft. Nice try! I don’t cross the bridge 😉
  • You should for me
  • Lol
  • I’m worth it babe
  • Says you.
  • Ok come see for your self then
  • I’m good. But thanks for the invite. 🙂
  • I’m shattered your hot
  • I’ve no doubt in time you will pick up the pieces and have a full life. 😉
  • I want you sexy
  • You don’t.
  • I dooooo
  • You haven’t even seen my face
  • Yes I have
  • I haven’t shown you my private photos
  • Okay so how about you show me then and we can , your profile is amazing and I’d love to create a awesome connection with you with trust and honesty ! If you won’t come to me I sure would come to you if that’s an option ?
  • Thanks for the offer, but I will politely decline. I really want to give myself the best chance to find a partner I will create a future with, and I doubt the distance between us will be conducive to that. Plus you are a Capricorn and I have bad luck with your kind 😉
  • I’m not cap , I’m sag/cap I’m both ! Ps I have already seen your photos babe i like ! I use to date a lady who lives near you.
  • So you are telling me…in complete honesty…that you are open to more than just a hook up? Or is the thrill of the chase and seeing if you can wear me down, which is what you are really into?
  • Totally 100% open to more than hook ups I hate random sex , im a perfect repeat regular
  • Forgive my skepticism; I am not looking for a repeat regular exactly. More like a boyfriend. I want a relationship without all the boring, negative stuff. I’ve been married and I don’t want that again. But I also want more than a fuck buddy.
  • That’s fine we can work it out as we go !
  • I will give you points for persistance! And I do like your profile. BUT you are an hour (or more) away, only 38 and there is the whole Capricorn thing…. I’m sure a good looking guy like you will find someone nearer to home.
  • That sucks ! I’m sad. ok babe

Bless him.  He was hot, but I have to remember my objective and not lose myself in the sea of hot cock.

Or at the other end of the spectrum:
  • Hey sexy how are you
  • Fine thanks. You?
  • Great thanks you
  • Fine thanks.
  • What you up to today
  • Not much. You?
  • Not much at all extremely horny lol.  So where are you sexy?
  • Haven’t you read my profile?

He hadn’t and when he did, he didn’t bother to respond.  He was too young, too far away and a fucking Capricorn, and looking for casual only.

There were a few familiar faces from last time and one of them sent me a message just a day or two after I signed up.

His profile had no photos, so I was ready to say no, when I took a quick look at his reviews.  On this particular site, other members can post a review about you, and if you choose to you can post it to your profile as a recommendation of sorts.  Like sex Yelp!

Most of the reviews are from couples recommending other couples or single men they have had trysts with, and sometimes a woman will recommend a guy she has had a casual fling with.  As strange as the whole situation is, it is somewhat reassuring to read a complimentary review about someone you are considering meeting.  When another woman writes that a guy is a great lover, genuine and good company, well that does sweeten the deal a bit.

So The Fisherman sent me a message and I asked him for a photo of his face.  He sent me his pictures (all very chaste) and I recognised him from my last sojourn on the swingers site.  He was the same age as The Captain, and not dissimilar looking; shaved head, nice brown eyes and a warm smile.  He still looked older than I would like, but I had felt the same way about The Captain at first.
I told him I had almost rejected him until I read his reviews, and saw this undeniable endorsement: “Great fun, respectful, funny, no pressure, fun to be with and this man really knows his way around a woman’s body.”
Perhaps I could be persuaded by The Fisherman, who also earned points for being a fellow Aries, the fiery compatability of which I am keen to explore.
Our messaging continued and he asked to speak to me on the phone, much like The Captain had, and we had a friendly and cheerful conversation.  During which, it came to light that he lived an hour away.  I had specified in my profile I wanted someone who lived nearby, as I didn’t want to be kept waiting as I had with The Toolman, or have last minute “I’m too tired to drive” text messages like I did from The Captain, who only lived 30 minutes away.
The Fisherman told me his strange work hours at the docks means he has a roster that provides him with four day weekends every ten days during which time he would happily be at my beck and call on those days.  So we kept talking and he asked me to brunch.
He arrived before me and sent me a text that he was seated on the terrace of the restaurant.  I walked in the door and told the greeter I was meeting a guy out on the terrace.
“Of course, he is just over there.” He smiled, pointing toward a man sitting just inside the door to the terrace.
I turned and smiled at the man who stood up to greet me.  It wasn’t the man in the The Fisherman’s photos.  He was ten years younger, taller and quite handsome.  He smiled warmly at me, but his eyes were as confused as mine.  Clearly he was meeting someone for the first time too and this strange woman in front of him wasn’t who he was expecting either.
I spotted The Fisherman out of the corner of my eye and excused myself awkwardly.
Nice start to my return to dating!
The Fisherman smiled at me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  He was only an inch or two taller than me, but I am trying not to be heightist, he was nicely dressed and wearing just a smidge too much Eternity by Calvin Klein.
As we ate brunch and did the first date small talk dance, he was warm and affectionate, taking every opportunity to rest his hand or leg against mine.  He was a regular guy, a little rough around the edges but outgoing and attentive.  We laughed and shared naughty stories of our experiences on the Swinger Site, and when brunch was over he insisted on paying before suggesting we take a walk along the nearby pier.
It was a windy day and my carefully styled hair didn’t stand a chance as we walked along the pier until we found a spot near with some shelter.  The Fisherman pointed out a boat moored nearby, which is like the one he owns for his recreational fishing trips, and when I turned to comment, he planted a kiss on me.
It was brief but sweet and after we walked a little further he took another opportunity to pull me close and kiss me properly.  It was a good kiss and got me a little warm and tingly.  I hadn’t felt that way in many months and I wasn’t sure if it was just the kissing or him that was turning me on, but something was.  Maybe it was his review.  It is hard to ignore the words “he really knows his way around a woman’s body” when his hands were around my waist just right, brushing lightly over my ass and firmly guiding me into his embrace.
We meandered slowly back to the parking lot and he kissed me again at the car before I drove away.
The Fisherman messaged me moments later, asking if he could see me again, suggesting that he come to my place next time.
I have indicated I am agreeable to his proposal.

7 thoughts on “138. Conversations with chuckleheads

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