Following The Toolman’s recent comments on my last post, I’ve taken some time to think about what I want to say.
I was sitting at work when the notification came up on my phone. I started to read and thought, ‘what the fuck?’
It has been around nine months since The Toolman told me “I just can’t”, and I went through all the heartbreak, pain and healing necessary. And I haven’t heard a peep out of him. The closest we’ve come to contact was when he blocked me on the Swingers’s website.
I read his spite filled words, cloaked in a bitter “I’m happy for you” mask.
I approved the comment and sat back to watch. I knew my friends and readers would have something to say, so I just let him receive the feedback he had opened himself up to when he posted details of his life publicly.
My friends and readers were furious. I was inundated with their messages. They thought I might crumble in the face of his thinly veiled abuse, and they had some very salty names for him.
While they sprang angrily to my defence I sat quietly, calmly considering my own reaction to his words.
Obviously The Toolman recently got the threesome with two women he has sought for so long. And he just had to make sure I knew that he had succeeded where he felt I had failed. It was spiteful and immature and intended to hurt me.
But it didn’t. I’m glad it happened.
His gloating didn’t bother me. I didn’t experience a sliver of jealousy. I wasn’t hurt. I thought his efforts to hurt me were laughable.
It has been a long time since I have thought about The Toolman, or wondered what, and who, he is doing. Sometimes I will go places that remind me of him but his face disolves from my mind as quickly as it pops in.
But it seems he still thinks of me.
He called me a liar. That barb didn’t penetrate either. I know I am honest to a fault and so do all the people that matter to me. His real issue is that he feels misrepresented on this blog, because his perspective is different to mine. I don’t lie (I am terrible at it) and never felt the need to hide anything from him. Most likely he was projecting his own guilt, after all it was his lie about where he lived that was the last straw in our relationship.
Suspicions of his narcissism seem confirmed. I don’t doubt his mind will bring him back to the blog every once in a while to read about himself. His ego won’t be able to resist.
He will look for validation in the naughty parts, but gloss over the hurt and pain he caused. He will ignore the times he behaved selfishly and secretively. He will always find a way to blame me for the crazy and difficult parts of our time together. And he will always justify to himself that he wasn’t the bad guy, because I was the one who broke up with him in a text.
I don’t hate The Toolman.
I loved him, and part of me will always hold some affection for him.
But I have moved on. And his comments made me see just how far I have come.
The Captain and I are disgustingly happy. We spend as much time together as our lives will allow. I stay at his place as regularly as he stays at mine. He is affectionate, communicative, honest and loving. We spend our weekends taking road trips, visiting new places together, having dirty weekends away, cooking for one another, feeling each other up in crowded places, being flirty, talking about our future and laughing a lot. We have an awesome sex life and are working our way through a long list of adventures we want to have together. The Captain is patient, respectful and asks me for my consent before we try anything new together.
Our connection is real and deep.
I have no regrets. Every boy in my story has led me a step closer to the man I have found. The Toolman gave me confidence and encouraged my inquisitive spirit in a way that made me felt safe.
Once I worked my way through the heartbreak, I gathered these gifts and used them to find my way forward.
Thanks for stopping by Toolman. Its given the blog a big boost in numbers, but its probably best if you don’t come back.
Thanks for your support, Beloved Readers. It means more than you know.